So this is not really a real post. But for MONTHS … literally (as in literally not *literally*) …. I’ve been cringing every time I see my email signature because there’s a link to this blog in there and I know it’s been about 800 years since I last posted. There are a lot of reasons for that
: work, family, trying to keep my head above water in my own little grief ocean but essentially the reason is that I haven’t made the time for it.
So before I give myself another excuse, or tell myself I have something better to do than spend some time on the only personal creative outlet I’ve got going right now, I’m posting a post. I’m hoping this will be the ice breaker I need for myself.
Welp, there you have it! So, um ….
until we meet again.
I can’t find a good way to end this.
I don’t even have a photo to go with this post.
Should I just hit “publish”???
Note to my self next Sunday evening: Mondays really aren’t that bad. Today I had an ultra-productive yet still quite fun day. Did a bunch of work, met with some very cool people about some exciting upcoming projects, inaugurated a great new pair of black booties (photos to come, of course), had an early dinner with Isabella and my husband during his break between patients, and spent the evening with my girl, trying out the new Gwen Stefani for OPI collection for a post over at TheStir. Now, Isabella and I are about to catch up on the Project Runways All Stars season we’ve been watching. Oh! And I finally got that check in the mail! Woohoo!
Nothing earth-shattering, and there were plenty of mundane moments, but some days are better than others — it’s always nice to be able to tell when you’re having one of the good ones.
Snow day activity: DIY glitter manis
Snow day: Oh just throw those anywhere, guys.
Typical winter school-day morning.
Concentration: making angel food cake for the first time from scratch.
Improv: In case you ever start to make an angel food cake and go to pour it in to the tube pan and realize you don’t own one! DOH.
Weekend: Isabella (still in her ballet clothes) and Anna enjoying their homemade dessert.
Sneek peek of Marciano spring press preview.
Taking mysef on a lunch date after a meeting in the city.
More gorgeous, colorful Marciano. Love this jumper and I wish it was summer RIGHT NOW.
I’m a terrible one for the Sunday night blues. I usually feel sad and homesick and anxious … even if I have nothing to dread the following day (which I normally don’t!); even if I have something to look forward to (which I often do!). I don’t know; it’s something that feels hardwired into my brain since, oh about fifth grade. Anyway, sometimes it helps me to look back over the preceding week and remember all the great, fun, sweet, and/or productive moments that happened in life since last week’s bout of Sunday night blues. There are always so many of those full-of-grace moments, and this past week there were all of the above and lots that I didn’t get snapshots of, like simply sitting in the car with my sister Hillary, talking and watching the snow fall while we waited to pick up Isabella from ballet. Or enjoying a coffee at my friend Debora’s house, while our girls played. Or having several great work calls with my latest partner in crime, as we dig into some exciting projects; or starting off my Friday night with a Google Hangout with two of my west coast girlfriends, laughing ourselves silly at how funny we all looked; or cooking and drinking wine with some of our closest friends on Saturday night.
Of course there were crummy, tiring, discouraging moments too. I’m so weary of the cold, and I miss my mom terribly, and worry about her out there in California, so far from us and with such a burden of loss and grief to deal with, and I’ve been missing our lost girl so so much, my sweet sister Carolyn, dead now for over a year. Impossible. I had one of those days this past week where I just had to get under the covers in the middle of the afernoon and let the grief weigh me down for a while, close my eyes and just give in to the lump in my throat — haven’t had one of those in a couple of months now.
Then there were the more mundane blah and unpleasant moments: jeans that suddenly feel uncomfortably snug, disappointment in myself for missing a deadline I really could have made, that goshdarn endless pile of laundry…
But that’s what it’s all about, right? The crazy game of hokey pokey we call life? So much wonderfulness, so much fun, despite our failings and disappointments and heartbreaks.
So, happy Sunday night, friends. Here’s to a week ahead with many fun, unexpected moments of grace and sunshine.
Am I right or am I right?
Bioderma Crealine H2O Solution Micellaire Peaux Sensibles
New discovery, thanks to my rude habit of nosing through beauty products that don’t belong to me. I wax poetic about it over at TheStir. My own bottle arrives tomorrow; I can’t wait.
Aveeno Baby Eczema Bath Treatment
I don’t have eczema, but the skin on my body has become so dry and itchy and super duper DUPER sensitive, I can barely tolerate clothing at this point. Seriously. A warm (but not hot) bath with one of these packets is bliss.
Smith’s Rosebud Salve in a Tube
The only product that keeps me from mangling my poor lips by obsessively picking off the dry skin. You’re welcome for that visual. I try to protect my loved ones from it as well by keeping my smoochers coated in this stuff.
What’s getting you through the winter?
I believe that in an alternate version of reality I have a career that resembles Cate Blanchett‘s. Or Naomi Watts‘. I know. You think I’m delusional but what can I say. I know what I know — about my unrealized potential, about my talent, and about how too easily I gave up my dreams when I took a different path in life and it seemed irreconcilable. WHOA THAT’S SOME HEAVY SHIT FOR A BEAUTY POST! (Is that what you’re thinking? I totally agree!!) Also I’m not even FROM Australia so.
Anyway! Don’t worry, I haven’t given up — I’ve just reframed my ambitions … more along the lines of, say, the INCOMPARABLE Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey than the utterly scrumptious Jennifer Lawrence (or even the still utterly scrumptious and somewhat in my age range Amy Adams) in American Hustle. UM ANYWAY. I got the beauty scoop on what products makeup artist Jeanine Lobell used to primp the divine Cate for her SAG awards look and HERE THEY ARE. I’m planning to buy the lipstick. I mean, a girl can still dream, right?
THE LOOK: to go along with that perfectly impossible Givenchy Haute Couture gown “’60s inspired fairy”
(ok, I can see that! Let’s go with it.)
Eye: Lancôme Définicils High Definition Mascara in Black (and false lashes) (obviously… ?)
NARS Duo Eyeshadow in Alhambra (“dusted with a little blush”) (INTRIGUING!)
Surratt Smokey Eye Baton – 3: Cendres
Nars Brow Perfector (AS IF ANYTHING COULD BE MORE PERFECT.)
Face: SK-II Facial Treatment Mask (WUT OBVIOUSLY I NEED TO START A SK-II REGIME SOMEBODY WIN THE LOTTERY)
Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation Shade 2 (I WONDER IF I’m THE SAME SHADE I TOTALLY BET I AM)
Lancôme Translucence Mattifying Silky Pressed Powder
NARS Blush in New Attitude (NOT “ORGASM”?)
Lip: Suratt Lipslique 2: Bon Bon
OMG this “lipslique” is so fabulous and French. The product description at Barneys.com (!!!) says: beautiful. Luscious texture, buildable color. Sheer to medium finish. Applicator is propel-only and does not retract. Be sure to propel accordingly with use as to not crush the lipstick with lid when closing.
HAhahahaha. That is the Frenchest thing I’ve ever read. It’s $34 and I want it. I think Cate wants me to have it…. OH AND HER ROGER VIVIER SHOES TOO.
Does Martha Stewart’s kitchen ever look like this?
Last night we invited some of our good friends over for dinner, and it was a ton of fun, but I win absolutely zero hostess-with-the-mostess points for style, that’s for sure. The photo above (taken just after Isabella “missed the bowl” and cracked an egg right onto the counter and into a pile of papers) captures the whole evening perfectly.
Earlier this weekend my oldest little sister, who is making my winter by becoming a local girl for a few months while completing an internship in NYC, introduced me to the almost unbearably cute & chic blog, LoveTaza.com. I spent quite a while reading it, feeling jealous of the gorgeous photos of the gorgeous people dressed in adorable clothes in hip locations. Well, I thought to myself, I could probably “curate” my life to resemble something like this … actually no … Not really!
The Golden Globes red carpet last night was scrumptious! There were so many gorgeous looks, and it’s so fun these days to be able to see behind-the-scenes looks via Instagram and all that social media jazz. I quite enjoyed pouring over the photos in my PJs last night … and this morning. Here are some of my stand-out style & beauty moments, and how to copy some of some of makeup, hair, and nail polish magic.
1. Best of the night. First of all, Lupita Nyong’o won the entire night with her Ralph Lauren dress in my absolute favorite color to wear. Unreal.
I’m totally, unreasonably thrilled to hear the Pantone Color of the Year for 2014 is this gorgeous Radiant Orchid. I fully support this choice. BRING ON THE RADIANT ORCHID!
Why? Because 2013 (year of “Emerald Green”) has been an incredibly shitty year. A dark year, a year of so often being totally overcome by the waves of grief that I usually didn’t even want to fight against. Because why would you fight against something that is so understandable and natural? The waves crash over me, the current pulls me under, and every so often, somehow I float to the surface, and gratefully feel the sun on my face, and bob along in relative peace, until the next wave sends me to my bed, under the covers, body heavy with lead, a good book my only form of respite.
I don’t regret or resent or wish I could undo any of that. The sorrow feels as it should be (though nothing else about this loss does). And, MORE TO THE POINT: I expect to live with this burden — gift? — of grief for the rest of my long, long life. (Gift because this grief is the result of love, something I would not trade an ounce of for an ounce less sorrow.) I know I will carry it, heavy in my heart, part of me, always. One year has been everything but it is nothing, really. One day I will be 56, and it will be the 20th anniversary of Carolyn’s death. That nearly an entire year has passed is impossible enough to imagine. But 20? I can’t even contemplate that. Can’t as in literally can not; my brain does not compute it. I can only stay in the here and now, which is a sad enough place.
I can’t handle another year like 2013. I truly can’t bear it. I need just a little bit more light in the darkness, so the waves don’t take me under permanently. I need some motherfucking RADIANT ORCHID, that’s what I need. A gorgeous, vibrant pink lipstick to wear on the gloomiest days; a pretty pink gleam on my toes to remind me that I still love to dance.
Pictured above: BITE Beauty High Pigment Pencil in “Violet” – $24 at Sephora (Thanks to my dear friend Marta, I recently discovered BITE Beauty chubby lip pencils. They are the ultimate.); L’Oréal Paris Colour Riche Nail in “Royalty Reinvented” – $4.99 at Target (These nail colors by L’Oreal are so great; they totally last.); Laura Mercier Caviar Stick Eye Color in “Orchid” -$24 at LauraMercier.com; Urban Decay Eyeshadow in “Fishnet” and “Grifter” – $18 each at UrbanDecay.com; Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb Creme because this reminds me of my darling Amy – $90 at Sephora
I’m not sure why, but I thought it would be interesting to look at a week’s worth of dinners. But of course, even though I meant to start and post once a day for a week, it’s Wednesday. However, I did take photos, so I’m halfway with it. I’m a halfway wit!
Now that autumn is beyond full swing and into that second half, where things are just as beautiful but they’re also getting wild and more stark, hints of fierceness and winter, I’m in full-on comfort food cooking mode. Out comes the Crock Pot (or, for the fancy among us, the “slow cooker”), and I forget about the grill hulking lonesomely and stoic out in the cold, and just want things baking in the oven or simmering in pots.
You know what this needs? Chocolate chip cookies. See above.