Death & Nailpolish: I’m Totally, Unreasonably Thrilled About “Radiant Orchid” (the 2014 Pantone Color of the Year)


I’m totally, unreasonably thrilled to hear the Pantone Color of the Year for 2014 is this gorgeous Radiant Orchid. I fully support this choice. BRING ON THE RADIANT ORCHID!

Why? Because 2013 (year of “Emerald Green”) has been an incredibly shitty year. A dark year, a year of so often being totally overcome by the waves of grief that I usually didn’t even want to fight against. Because why would you fight against something that is so understandable and natural? The waves crash over me, the current pulls me under, and every so often, somehow I float to the surface, and gratefully feel the sun on my face, and bob along in relative peace, until the next wave sends me to my bed, under the covers, body heavy with lead, a good book my only form of respite.

I don’t regret or resent or wish I could undo any of that. The sorrow feels as it should be (though nothing else about this loss does). And, MORE TO THE POINT: I expect to live with this burden — gift? — of grief for the rest of my long, long life. (Gift because this grief is the result of love, something I would not trade an ounce of for an ounce less sorrow.) I know I will carry it, heavy in my heart, part of me, always. One year has been everything but it is nothing, really. One day I will be 56, and it will be the 20th anniversary of Carolyn’s death. That nearly an entire year has passed is impossible enough to imagine. But 20? I can’t even contemplate that. Can’t as in literally can not; my brain does not compute it. I can only stay in the here and now, which is a sad enough place.


I can’t handle another year like 2013. I truly can’t bear it. I need just a little bit more light in the darkness, so the waves don’t take me under permanently. I need some motherfucking RADIANT ORCHID, that’s what I need. A gorgeous, vibrant pink lipstick to wear on the gloomiest days; a pretty pink gleam on my toes to remind me that I still love to dance.


Pictured above: BITE Beauty High Pigment Pencil in “Violet” – $24 at Sephora (Thanks to my dear friend Marta, I recently discovered BITE Beauty chubby lip pencils. They are the ultimate.); L’Oréal Paris Colour Riche Nail in “Royalty Reinvented” – $4.99 at Target (These nail colors by L’Oreal are so great; they totally last.); Laura Mercier Caviar Stick Eye Color in “Orchid” -$24 at; Urban Decay Eyeshadow in “Fishnet” and “Grifter” – $18 each at; Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb Creme because this reminds me of my darling Amy – $90 at Sephora


1 Comment on Death & Nailpolish: I’m Totally, Unreasonably Thrilled About “Radiant Orchid” (the 2014 Pantone Color of the Year)

  1. Bunny
    December 7, 2013 at 4:43 pm (320 days ago)

    I hope this year brings some ease for you my love. Less grief and more grace. Though the pain of Carolyn’s death will never go away I hope you are able to find a space buoyed by all the people that love you and her for they are many.


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